I'm a homemaker, but not in the 'women shouldn't vote' way

like plz don't generalize me

Extreme views have never worked in my favor. Yes, I think you should stand firm in your beliefs - research, discuss, evaluate, change your mind if need be. I think you should really care. But, extremism often resulted in mania, anger, and resentment for me.

Extremism is something I had to navigate when I decided to quit my job and stay home, both for myself and explaining this to others. After all, some ‘trad wives/homemakers’ have made quite the name for themselves (& some deceptive reporters have for them as well).

I really don’t love labeling myself as a ‘homemaker’, and you’ll definitely never catch me calling myself a ‘trad wife’. It’s not that I don’t pride myself in this work, I just don’t feel that I identify with what the media paints homemakers to be. I am not against working wives or mothers; in fact, I know that is what works best for some families. I am not so convinced of the homemaker life that I would be against returning to work. I don’t shutter when I eat something that’s not made from scratch. I don’t wear sundresses every day. Nick and I have mutual respect for each other and embrace each other for the roles we’re taking on. And let’s put this on the record (lol)… he is happy whether I’m working for someone else or working in the home.

I, of course, have been met with some people who simply don’t understand. ‘But you don’t have kids… what could you possibly be doing all day?’ and I really don’t fault them for that line of thinking. What many don’t see is that by staying home, I had the opportunity to care for three family members as they all experienced health issues in the past few months (🙃). They do not see that I make sure our home is filled with nourishing foods (which takes so much time, hats off to personal chefs). They don’t feel the peace that has been cultivated now that I have the time to make sure the home is almost always clean. They also don’t see that I don’t get bored - I’m always working on something (my own choice to do so).

Another concern I hear about ‘homemaking’ is the money issue. 'Do you have to ask your husband to spend his money now?’ which is a valid question. Intrusive? Kind of, but I’d be interested too. In my experience, our communication regarding money has not changed much at all since I left the workforce. We always have consulted each other on big purchases. Nick always refers to the money he makes as ‘our money,’ and doesn’t hold it over my head. In fact, he loves when I buy things that make me feel beautiful with the money he made. It’s a beautiful characteristic God gave (masculine) men; and as a woman, I’m THANKFUL! *Different men will respond to this lifestyle differently, and not all will treat you well once you don’t bring in money! It’s a sad truth that I feel needs to be put out there. Discuss this extensively with your spouse before making any decisions!

Through this experience, I have embraced balance. Homemaking works well for my (little) family now, but it may not work next year. I love this life, but I would never judge someone for living differently. I feel the benefits of staying home, but I also know there are downsides.

Homemaking has given me the opportunity to learn to sew, paint, cook, bake, and be there for family who need it. The creative freedom I have now is something I will never take for granted. I’ve even fallen into the sourdough rabbit hole. My health has improved as my stress is at an all-time low. I am expanding on the skills that lend more to my natural abilities and passions. Nick is able to focus on work instead of worrying about what he’ll eat for breakfast, lunch & dinner. It really is a win-win for the both of us.

vibes *pinterest photos

With that said, I do also acknowledge the downsides of this path. Financial goals have to be reevaluated, there’s now a gap in my resume, and a regimented schedule is crucial in order to have productive days. It can be embarrassing to tell people, and it’s exhausting to explain myself.

The beautiful thing about homemaking, or anything you choose to pursue, is that you’re allowed to exist in the gray areas. You can be a homemaker, but not define yourself by it. You are allowed to work in and manage your home, but not subscribe to being a pushover. You’re allowed to change your mind—about your job, your beliefs, your lifestyle. You’re allowed to take a break. You’re allowed to try something and realize it’s not for you.

If life offers you the chance to step outside the ‘norm’ and into something you’ve always wanted to do, take it. You don’t need mass approval to pursue what brings you joy. And whatever path you choose, you’re free to embody it in a way that feels right for you.