on the introvert/extrovert labels

no personality test can define you!

I used to envy people who were convinced they were 100% introvert or 100% extrovert. Those are the same people that have known they’ve wanted to be a doctor since they were 3 years old, their friends and family call them ‘steadfast’, and they can perfectly plan their week ahead because hormones don’t drastically change the way they feel from day to day. They just really seem to have their stuff together. Me, on the other hand, I do not.

You’d think after 25 years on this earth I’d be able to categorize myself as either an introvert or extrovert. Or at the very least pull the ‘introverted extrovert’… whatever that means. If I’m being real with you and myself, I cannot do that. Anytime I tell someone, “For the most part I’m an extrovert!” I just feel like I’m lying or am just saying something to please them.

And why even do this? I choose to not assign labels like this to myself anymore, especially when meeting new people. It seems like an awful idea when there’s the potential for new, genuine connection. It’s like seizing their opportunity to discover something unique to their human experience. They’ve met thousands of extroverts before, but they’ve never met you.

Where did the beauty go in noticing people’s patterns? In letting their actions speak louder than the labels under which they want to be known as? The beauty about life is that we will evolve and change. How dare we minimize the complexity of our heart, mind, and soul?

Enneagram, Myers Briggs, and Big 5 Inventory are shortcuts to feeling seen - an expedited attempt to feel understood. That’s all fine and dandy, but the thing about shortcuts is you miss the beauty. Sure, you can probably make any roadtrip shorter, but the trees will be barren and you may miss a beautiful waterfall or two.

We are all prone to wanting immediate gratification. It’s much easier to assign labels to people than to take the time to notice who they are, what they love, what pisses them off, and why they take three hours to get ready in the morning. It really cuts the time is takes to ‘get to know someone’ in half - you just sacrifice the bona fide connection. I think the people we love deserve to be known for the things that will actually make them feel seen. I think we deserve to take the time it may require to truly know ourselves - to discover who God made us to be.

I have known my mom my whole life (surprise, surprise!) and my relationship to her is one of the deepest I have. She never really labeled her personality while I was growing up; she was the generation before the ‘personality test’ boom. Instead, I’ve had the freedom to learn about her and watch her evolve over time without labels attached. I still cannot identify her as an ‘introvert’ or ‘extrovert.’ However, I can pinpoint even more intricate tendencies she has. Put a group of people in front of me and by discerning their personalities, I will tell you whether she will be loud or more of a listener once introduced to them. After someone makes a statement, I know what she really feels despite what her verbal response will be. I could tell you exactly where in the world she would love to travel to as a result of knowing all her likes, dislikes, and lifelong dreams. Really knowing someone has nothing to do with labels.

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Everyone close to me knows when I’m about to cry because apparently my mouth quivers right at the corners. My people know when the waterworks are about to start sometimes even before I realize it.

My sweet friend always asks about others and you’ll have to really pry to get her to talk about herself. I know she does this because she was parentified since she was young. She has always had to put herself last.

My dad is often perceived as ‘quiet’ and ‘standoff-ish,’ but he really loves spending quality time with our family and his best buddies (that he has known since he was 5!). It is something that fills his cup and gives him rest bit from the weight of supporting a family.

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So, if you can’t quite ‘figure out who you are,’ you may just human. Filled with nuance, variety, heart, ever-changing moods, new experiences that change you - you are human. And that is more beautiful than being put in any box - no matter how beautifully wrapped.